I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
