It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
