So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
