Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
