I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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