Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
