I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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