Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
