when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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