Fuck appropriateness.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
