The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
