I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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