I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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