this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
