Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
