This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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