Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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