The brown eye won't let me do that either.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize