she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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