:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
