it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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