I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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