Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
