I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
