drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
