I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
