go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
