Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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