i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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