i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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