There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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