I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
