Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
