remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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