Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
