I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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