Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
