I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
