Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
