I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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