its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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