WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
did you just send me my own nude
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
