I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
