She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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