My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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