I cockslap morals
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come share oat with me in your robe
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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