To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
