why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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