Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She said her name was "party"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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