just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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