So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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