Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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