shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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