nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
