just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
