She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
