Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
