Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
