she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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